Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
