So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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