In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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