Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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