If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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