we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize