My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish you could order shots online.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
