everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
