you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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