you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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