WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
