i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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