i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
