woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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