yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
