New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
