I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
