Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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