i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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