i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
