Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize