got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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