He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
