I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
