no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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