ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
