Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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