I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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