life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
