She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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