the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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