and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
