I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
