I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
