I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
