i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
