Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
