my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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