What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
