A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
