Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
