rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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