I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
