how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm having to shit out rocks
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