some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
