Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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