Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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