I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
