She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize