I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
