she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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