So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
