what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
