I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
