I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
