then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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