JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
its liver damage thursday
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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