I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
