I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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