When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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