sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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