Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
