The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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