i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
