my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
