She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i drank out of a bidet.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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